10 Things You Should Never Apologise For…Ever!

Ever wondered why people say sorry for certain things when there really is no need to apologise? Or have you ever had someone dismiss you and belittle your feelings saying that they’re not valid or relevant? Well here’s a list of the 10 Things You Should Never Apologise For.

I’m not sorry and you shouldn’t be either for…

1. How you feel

Expressing the way you feel (and I mean really feel about something) is a gift. When you tell someone about the way you feel on a certain subject you should never think twice about apologising for expressing your personal perspective. That is, unless it’s harmful to the other person or intended to manipulate the situation. Letting people know where you’re at and how you feel is so important. If you don’t express your true feelings then they get swept under the carpet and you get sick. Seriously, they will fester and implode within your soul like a stink bomb.

AFFIRMATION: It is safe for me to express my truth and the way that I feel.

2. What makes you laugh

Your sense of humour is your own set-point of uniqueness. The beauty of the human condition is that there are so many beautiful types of humor and no ‘one size fits all’ solution. Whether you laugh at poo jokes, videos of kittens or even Japanese signs with amusing English translation failures – always be unapologetic for what makes you giggle. Life is funny. 

AFFIRMATION: The things that amuse me feed my soul.

3. What you believe in

This should be a deal breaker in relationships. Yes, we know that the fine art of conversation means avoiding the themes of politics or religion – however, if you have to say sorry for what you believe in, no matter what it is, you’re moving in the wrong circles. You have 100% permission to believe in whatever you wish as long as you don’t intentionally hurt people in order to prove a point.

AFFIRMATION: My beliefs are my own and the compass for my soul.

4. Your past

Yes, you might have done a turd and mailed it to a high school bully. Yes, it might have been nearly 20 years ago – however no one can make you say sorry for the silly stuff you did in the past. Unless, it was illegal or the overwhelming need for some sort of exchange of forgiveness to take place.

On the other hand you might have been dating two guys at once when you were younger and your present husband brings it up in fights. The basic rule is this…when something happens before you’re in someone’s life, then technically it has nothing to do with them.

AFFIRMATION: The past is over, the memories are pretty funny though.

5. Your future and your dreams

Never apologise for your dreams or what you want for your future. However, make room for compromise if you are in a long term situation with others so that you’re not appearing to be totally self-involved. Make your dreams happen, never apologise for dreaming.

AFFIRMATION: I allow myself to create an amazing future.

6. Your body or your weight

If you’re apologising for the way your body looks then stop it. You need to own your body –  the shape, the texture, the fact that it keeps you alive and HONOUR IT. Saying sorry to someone because you’re too big, too small, too green…whatever…is harmful to your heart. If someone can’t love you enough to know that perfection is mythical, then they need their soul Photoshopped.

AFFIRMATION: I am enough.

7. Your children

Unless they are throwing their own poo around in a restaurant or yelling out vulgarities to others, then never apologise for your children. Kids are supposed to behave like kids. And if you do encounter the grouch that speaks up and makes you feel like you need to apologise for your children then gently remind them that they once were kids too.

AFFIRMATION: Kids are vibrant, messy, loud, beautiful souls that need space to be creative.

8. How much you earn

Money is a sore spot and a tender subject for a lot of people. Never feel the need to apologise for earning too much or not earning enough. Money is an exchange for energy, that’s all. So when you’re saying sorry for having too little or even too much, then you are making a very powerful affirmation to the Universe to cease the flow of abundance.

AFFIRMATION: It is safe for me to allow more abundance into my life and feel comfortable to share my wealth when it flows with ease.

9. Your personal/emotional boundaries

You draw the line when it comes to saying something isn’t okay. We should all learn to assert our boundaries and not be apologetic for our decisions that enforce our own emotional safety.

AFFIRMATION: It’s okay, when I say it’s okay.

10. Your sexuality

This one should be the most obvious, kind of like apologising for your skin colour. No matter what your sexual orientation is, you must never need to apologise to someone because of it unless it’s used in the context of ‘Sorry, I’m flattered but I’m a lesbian.’

AFFIRMATION: My sexuality never needs to be explained.

9 Phrases Smart People Never Use in Conversation

These seemingly benign comments lead to the awful feeling that comes only when you’ve planted your foot firmly in your mouth.

BY TRAVIS BRADBERRY. Author, ‘Emotional Intelligence 2.0’ [Featured IMAGE: Getty Images

We’ve all said things that people interpreted much differently than we thought they would. These seemingly benign comments lead to the awful feeling that comes only when you’ve planted your foot firmly in your mouth.

Verbal slip-ups often occur because we say things without knowledge of the subtle implications they carry. Understanding these implications requires social awareness–the ability to pick up on the emotions and experiences of other people.

TalentSmart has tested the emotional intelligence (EQ) of more than a million people and discovered that social awareness is a skill in which many of us are lacking.

We lack social awareness because we’re so focused on what we’re going to say next–and how what other people are saying affects us–that we completely lose sight of other people.

This is a problem because people are complicated. You can’t hope to understand someone until you focus all of your attention in his or her direction.

The beauty of social awareness is that a few simple adjustments to what you say can vastly improve your relationships with other people.

To that end, there are some phrases that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in casual conversation. The following phrases are nine of the worst offenders. You should avoid them at all costs.

1. “You look tired.”

Tired people are incredibly unappealing–they have droopy eyes and messy hair, they have trouble concentrating, and they’re as grouchy as they come. Telling someone he looks tired implies all of the above and then some.

Instead say: “Is everything OK?” Most people ask if someone is tired because they’re intending to be helpful (they want to know if the other person is OK). Instead of assuming someone’s disposition, just ask. This way, he can open up and share. More important, he will see you as concerned instead of rude.

2. “Wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight!”

Once again, a well-meaning comment–in this case a compliment–creates the impression that you’re being critical. Telling someone that she has lost a lot of weight suggests that she used to look fat or unattractive.

Instead say: “You look fantastic.” This one is an easy fix. Instead of comparing how she looks now with how she used to look, just compliment her for looking great. It takes the past right out of the picture.

3. “You were too good for her anyway.”

When someone severs ties with a relationship of any type, personal or professional, this comment implies he has bad taste and made a poor choice in the first place.

Instead say: “Her loss!” This provides the same enthusiastic support and optimism without any implied criticism.

4. “You always …” or “You never …”

No one always or never does anything. People don’t see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn’t attempt to define them as such. These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your message, which is a really bad thing because you likely use these phrases when you have something important to discuss.

Instead: Simply point out what the other person did that’s a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can always say “It seems like you do this often” or “You do this often enough for me to notice.”

5. “You look great for your age.”

Using “for your” as a qualifier always comes across as condescending and rude. No one wants to be smart for an athlete or in good shape relative to other people who are also knocking on death’s door. People simply want to be smart and fit.

Instead say: “You look great.” This one is another easy fix. Genuine compliments don’t need qualifiers.

6. “As I said before …”

We all forget things from time to time. This phrase implies that you’re insulted at having to repeat yourself, which is hard on the recipient (someone who is genuinely interested in hearing your perspective). Getting insulted over having to repeat yourself suggests that either you’re insecure or you think you’re better than everyone else (or both!). Few people who use this phrase actually feel this way.

Instead: When you say it again, see what you can do to convey the message in a clearer and more interesting manner. This way the person you’re speaking to will remember what you said.

7. “Good luck.”

This is a subtle one. It certainly isn’t the end of the world if you wish someone good luck, but you can do better because this phrase implies that they need luck to succeed.

Instead say: “I know you have what it takes.” This is better than wishing her luck because suggesting that she has the skills needed to succeed provides a huge boost of confidence. You’ll stand out from everyone else who simply wishes her luck.

8. “It’s up to you” or “Whatever you want.”

While you may be indifferent to the question, your opinion is important to the person asking (or else he wouldn’t have asked you in the first place).

Instead say: “I don’t have a strong opinion either way, but a couple things to consider are …” When you offer an opinion (even without choosing a side), it shows that you care about the person asking.

9. “Well, at least I’ve never …”

This phrase is an aggressive way to shift attention away from your mistake by pointing out an old, likely irrelevant mistake the other person made (and one you should have forgiven her for by now).

Instead say: “I’m sorry.” Owning up to your mistake is the best way to bring the discussion to a more rational, calm place so that you can work things out. Admitting guilt is an amazing way to prevent escalation.

Bringing it all together

In everyday conversation, it’s the little things that make all the difference. Try these suggestions out, and you’ll be amazed at the positive response you get.

What other phrases should people avoid? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

“And The Waltz Goes On”

On the big screen, we sometimes only see the actor, but a lot of them are musicians, composers and artists… Lets look at one composer in particular,  Sir Anthony Hopkins

Anthony Hopkins and Andre Rieu
Photo by André Rieu.

André Rieu & His Johann Strauss Orchestra performing “And The Waltz Goes On” in Maastricht. A Waltz composed by Sir Anthony Hopkins. Taken from “André Rieu – Under the Stars. Live in Maastricht 5.”

Learn more: Build your own success history

Photo by André Rieu. Top: Symphony Orchestra Augusta

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